Aye E! I Owe You!

So a vowel saves another vowel’s life. The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”  

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What The Hellman

Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today. I was like, “What the Hellman?”

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He Means Well

My friend keeps saying “Cheer up mate, it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water!” I know he means well.

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His Sister Onya

Karl Marx is a historically famous Philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol…

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Inflation

Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $i.50. You know¬†why? Inflation.

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I Bring A Lot To The Table

Manager: “Why would you make a good waiter at my restaurant?” Me: “I bring a lot to the table.”

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A Bounty Hunter

I went to three different stores trying to find some paper towels. I guess you could call me a Bounty hunter.

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It’s Spam

Warning: There is an email doing around offering processed pork, gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email DO NOT OPEN it’s spam.

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Nothing To Chauffeur It

My friend just hired a limo for $1000 but it didn’t come with a driver. Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it.

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Unspeakable Things

I was kidnapped by a gang of mimes. They threatened to do unspeakable things.

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The Plot Thickens

As suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

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